Newborn Baby Pictures!

Tiny Girl...Lots of Love

Peek-a-Boo

Check Out her Curly Hair

Momma and Baby Snuggles

Love at First Sight

Cute as a button

We are Wrapped Around her Finger

Sweet Dreams

Looking back...moving forward

Exactly a year ago from today Steve and I discovered that we were no longer pregnant.  Last November we traveled to Alaska for IVF.  We were told we were pregnant and we were so excited.  Then we went to the doctor Dec. 20th, 2011 for our first ultra sound.  We were eager to find out if we were pregnant with either one baby or twins.  During IVF they implanted two embryos.   Instead of having 2 or 1, we left with a broken heart. I can still so vividly remember those feelings I felt as I laid on the table and was told the horrific news. This was the lowest of the lows and I had no idea my world could be shattered like that.  Steve was just as devastated.  We went to our house and cried for days. This was a dark time in our lives that neither of us like to revisit. We muffled through Christmas and looked forward to a new year and for a new start.

At that point in our lives Steve and I never would have thought that in a year we would be holding a baby in our arms.  This morning we were sitting in bed and passing Katelyn back and forth while trying to coax a smile or two from her, while Steve and I reflected on last year events. I look back now and I am glad that IVF didn't work for us at that time.  If it had, we wouldn't have had our blessed Katelyn in our lives.  I wouldn't change anything.  The trials that Steve and I have had to add to our family make Katelyn even more special.  No baby has ever touched my life and made it sweeter than my little Ms. Katelyn.

I continue to learn that God knows best; and not only do we need to have faith in him, but also in his timing. 

Katelyn is 1 month old!

Of course she has to be a Bronco's fan!  She's a Calley!

I couldn't love this girl more!

Katelyn is a happy baby!

Dressed and ready for church!

Katelyn is hardly ever found outside of someone's arms. 

Her shirt says it all!

Look she is sitting up! "I'm a big girl now!"

The Miracle of a Lifetime!

I know that we have not written in a long time, but with good reason.  This website was to help promote our want to adopt.  Well that dream has finally come true.  We stopped writing about the same time we were contacted by a potential birth mom's mother.  We had constant and wonderful communication with her and eventually the birth mom. (I am withholding their names for confidentiality..I haven't asked their permission to use their names) . She was about 4 months into her pregnancy and despite the morning sickness she was doing well.  When she found out she was pregnant she did what any person in her situation would do.  She freaked out for a little bit.  Then before she told ANYONE that she was pregnant she decided that she wanted to place this baby for adoption.  She then told her parents and a few other close friends.  A few weeks later we were contacted that she was looking for an adoptive couple, and our forever relationship began. 

I had never been so excited to open and read my e-mails.  I lived for the letters we got from both the birth-grand mom and birth mom.  They were so special.  I actually printed them out and put them into a book.  On a wonderful day in June 2012, we were given a beautiful e-mail form the birth mom asking us to be the parents of this miracle baby. Of course we said yes.  It was the most enthusiastic yes I had ever given. We continued to correspond via e-mail, texts, and a few phone calls.  We actually made the 9 hour drive to go visit the birth mom and her family.  It was a magical trip.  We got to know the whole birth family and feel the baby kick for the first time, it was a little slice of heaven. Those five months of waiting for the baby were awesome and treacherous at the same time.  All I wanted to do was hold her and to know she was okay.

Then at 8:45pm on October 30th we received a text saying "It's time, GO!"  We had had our car packed for weeks.  She wasn't expected to be due until November 9th, but I had a feeling she would come early so the car was all ready to go.  Steve and I ran around the house frantically grabbing a few extra sets of clothes for us and making sure all the windows where shut and lights were off.  Steve even freaked out about the Halloween candy that we had bought for trick-or-treaters.  He just threw all the candy on the front porch and we ran to our car.   We pulled out of the driveway at 8:56pm and started our 8.5 hour drive to the hospital in hopes we would be there for the delivery.  An hour into the trip we got a call informing us that they broke the birth mom's water and had signs that the baby was in distress.  A few minutes later we got another call saying that the birth mom was taken in for an emergency c-section.  I have never been so scared in my life.  Steve continued to drive as I said the most sincere prayer I had ever said.  I prayed for the doctors to be inspired, I prayed for the birth mom that she would be okay both physically and emotionally, and of course I prayed for our daughter. I prayed that she would be okay.  I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father telling him that we had gone through so much that I didn't think I could make it if anything went wrong.  I told him I knew that he knew what was best and that I knew deep down that I would make it if our daughter didn't survive, but I had my doubts. How could I possibly face anymore loss and heartache?  But despite my fears I knew if I had to, somehow I would.  I prayed so hard.  As soon as I finished my prayer both Steve and I had a sense of peace come over us.  I was still worried, but calm.  Sure enough a little before 11:00 we got another phone call saying that our Katelyn Elizabeth was born at 10:46pm and was healthy.  She had already had a bottle and had burped.  I have never been so thankful than I was at that moment.

Later we found out that the doctor who delivered Katelyn was about to go home from her shift but thought she would pray to make sure that this baby and mom would be okay before she went.  After she prayed she went to go check on the birth mom and baby.  As soon as she walked into the room Katelyn's heart beat just dropped so she knew right away that something was wrong and called for the emergency c-section. The birth mom was put under general anesthesia and within minutes Katelyn was out.  She was choking and had the umbilical wrapped tight around her neck two times.  Katelyn came out healthy and was breathing on her own.  What a miracle.  If the birth mom hadn't listened to her body and went to the hospital when she did; and if the doctor hadn't done an emergency c-section when she did, Katelyn would not be with us today.

Steve and I drove the rest of the night.  We were filled with EVERY emotion.  At 5:30am, we arrived at the hospital and got to hold Baby Katelyn for this first time.  It was the best moment of our lives.  We hugged the birth mom and her family.  After a few hours of being all together, Steve, Katelyn, and I headed into the room across the hall in the hospital where we spent the first night together.

After two days of being in the hospital, it was time for Katelyn to be discharged.  We had our caseworker come in and we continued on with placement.  The birth mom and her family were all together and supported her as she relinquished her rights.  Steve and I had several family members with us as we signed our paper work as well.  I had never felt more relief in my life.  It was really happening.  After all the paperwork was signed we gave the birth mom a necklace that had Katelyn Elizabeth engraved on it and a bear with a special message in it.  Katelyn has an identical bear so they both can give each other long distant hugs.  Then Steve and I handed Katelyn over to the birth mom one last time.  We waited outside the room until she was ready.  After about an hour or so we were asked to come back in the room.  In the room it was just the birth mom, Katelyn, Steve, and me.  We gave each other hugs and heartfelt thank yous.  Then the birth mom handed Katelyn over to me.  Tears were in all our eyes.  It was a moment that I will never forget and it wasn't until weeks later that I was able to fully understand all of my feelings I had at that moment.

The birth mom of Katelyn will always have a special place in our hearts.  She is family to us and always will be.  Katelyn Elizabeth is a miracle upon miracle child, and she will always love and know her "tummy mom". 

Pictures of our new home...after we moved in!

Before

After

Before

After

Cherry Picking

Mom and Larry

Home Grown and Home Made Cherry Pie

Our Garden

We have been picking cherries until our fingers turn red.  This huge cherry tree is in our back yard.  It makes the most delicious cherry pies.  Every time we have company come over they will leave with at least one bowl full of cherries.   We love living in our new home with our beautiful back yard. We also have been working hard with our garden.  We can't wait to start eating more from it.  So far all we have been able to harvest is lettuce and spinage.  Yum!

A Personal Note

I have hesitated to speak about my true feelings on not being able to have children.  I have always wanted to be remembered or thought of, as the woman who was strong and could handle anything life threw at her.  I tend to cover my true feelings of hurt and anger with a smile and an, "I am doing fine,"  when in reality, I am only a survivor instead of a victor. 


I remember growing up rocking my baby dolls to sleep well into my teenage years, day dreaming of the day I would become a mother.  I visualized packing my kid's lunches for school, helping them with homework, and tucking them into bed each night.  There was always a thought in my head, "What would I do if I couldn't get pregnant?" I always tried to bury it. I read several novels about women who went through the trial of infertility and I prayed I wouldn't be one of those poor women.  During my high school and college years, this underlying fear became more vivid. I had several cysts rupture on my ovaries which led to several trips to the ER. Although I remember the physical pain clearly, what I remember most was the fear of maybe having it be difficult to get pregnant when that time came in my life.


I met Steve a few years later.  We dated, fell in love, and got married.  We were married August 1st, 2008.  On September 25th, 2008 I wrote in my journal, "Steve and I have decided to start our family. We are so EXCITED.  I ache to be a mother and I hope I get pregnant this month....my biggest fear in life is not being able to have kids. That would be so hard for me. I would struggle with that but I would make it."  On July 7th, 2009 I wrote, "Steve and I are still trying to have children; we have been trying for 11 months.  We have had many doctor visits and they don't know what is wrong.  I have more tests scheduled.  I am a nervous wreck, but Steve and I are holding strong to each other and the gospel." On July 12th, 2009 I wrote, "I am really struggling with not being able to get pregnant.  There is not a Sunday that goes by that I don't shed a tear, or two, or hundreds out of sadness and aching for a child. I am a school teacher and a primary teacher, I LIVE FOR KIDS...yet I don't have any.  Steve held a baby during sacrament meeting today, he looked so good as a "dad".  He will make an awesome father and I know that he really wants to be a dad.  I am scared that at some moment Steve will be angry at me because we probably won't be able to have kids. I feel I am denying him the power of procreation.  I hope if he ever feels this way he will forgive me.  I am so scared...and I have a hard time sharing my true feelings with people.  I feel like I am holding my breath each month."  As I went from doctor to doctor and specialist to specialist the intensity of the roller coaster of infertility increased.


When I was diagnosed with infertility my world crashed around me for I felt  my womanhood  had been stripped from me.  I was broken. 

We are taught about the Grief Cycle and the steps that one will go through from start to finish.  We start with shock and denial, and then proceed to anger, followed by depression and detachment, which leads to dialogue and bargaining, and then we jump to acceptance where we can finally get back to a meaningful life.  Many say we have to follow this cycle in order, others say we may jump around and revisit several steps over and over again.  

When I realized that one of my trials in life was going to be infertility I was thrown into this grief cycle.  As for me, I don’t follow this cycle in order; there is no sequence of steps to this cycle.  In my feelings I see no patterns or reason.   I jump from step to step.  Sometimes I am in a step for a few days or weeks, and sometimes I am shoved from one feeling or step to another in a matter of seconds.  I feel at times I have feelings that I cannot control.  I can control my actions, but my feelings are fed with a fuel that I don’t always have power over.


I still struggle with these feelings, but I have found comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.  I still cry on Mother's Day, I still hold as many babies as I can, I don't attend baby showers, and when people announce they are pregnant I am thrilled for them but I still get a surge of pain in my heart.  I know God created me and He has a plan for me;  He does not make mistakes.  I am a survivor.  I have not let infertility overcome me.  I know I will be a mother someday.  I am so thankful for women who find themselves pregnant unexpectedly and choose to place their baby for adoption.  It takes a lot of courage.  It's women like that, who can make women like me whole.  
~

The BIG MOVE...and the projects begin

We are FINALLY moved in to our new house!!!! We have done tons of projects to make the house our home. We took down all the popcorn ceiling, got new carpet, painted, built raised garden beds, painted, primed and painted the deck, raked the HUGE backyard, painted some more, bought some furniture (the house was a little empty going from a two bedroom apartment to a 3 bedroom house), organized the garage...yeah we finally have a garage, tiled the entry way, and painted some more and then some more. We could not have done all of this without the help of family and friends. We feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family who aren't afraid to get their hands dirty. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!!

Here are a few pictures of the process.....








We plan on sharing a video of the "finished" project. We have learned as homeowners the projects are NEVER finished, only breaks are taken. I also wanted to thank Jon and Benja's family. They helped as well, but I didn't have any photos to prove it. THANK YOU!

Birthdays!!! Life is something to celebrate!!!

Steve and I are exactly one week and one year apart. His birthday is February 3rd and mine is February 10th. We love celebrating both our birthdays individually and together. Usually we celebrate our birthday together with our families and separately with just the two of us.

On our actual birthday day, we will make the birthday boy or girl breakfast in bed. This year I made Steve pecan cinnamon swirl pancakes and sausage. He ate 9 pancakes and 7 sausages (I think he really liked it!!!!!...he had a tummy ache later that day). I can't wait to see what Steve makes me on Friday. We love this tradition. It is a way to make us feel special on our day.


Along with making breakfast in bed we also make each other our favorite "birthday cakes". I am not a huge fan of cake, but I love zebra cake. Steve called my mom and got directions on how to make my special cake. I am so proud of him, he did such a great job.

I made Steve's favorite cake. It sounds very 'fruity and grilie' but he LOVES it! His favorite is Funfetti Cake (made with a cup of pudding to make it moist) and rainbow chip frosting. I know I know sounds fruity but he likes it.

Our First House

We are so excited about our new home. We are busy packing and imagining how we will decorate!!!! Here are a few pictures.

We move in the middle of March. YEAH!