Cherry Picking

Mom and Larry

Home Grown and Home Made Cherry Pie

Our Garden

We have been picking cherries until our fingers turn red.  This huge cherry tree is in our back yard.  It makes the most delicious cherry pies.  Every time we have company come over they will leave with at least one bowl full of cherries.   We love living in our new home with our beautiful back yard. We also have been working hard with our garden.  We can't wait to start eating more from it.  So far all we have been able to harvest is lettuce and spinage.  Yum!

A Personal Note

I have hesitated to speak about my true feelings on not being able to have children.  I have always wanted to be remembered or thought of, as the woman who was strong and could handle anything life threw at her.  I tend to cover my true feelings of hurt and anger with a smile and an, "I am doing fine,"  when in reality, I am only a survivor instead of a victor. 


I remember growing up rocking my baby dolls to sleep well into my teenage years, day dreaming of the day I would become a mother.  I visualized packing my kid's lunches for school, helping them with homework, and tucking them into bed each night.  There was always a thought in my head, "What would I do if I couldn't get pregnant?" I always tried to bury it. I read several novels about women who went through the trial of infertility and I prayed I wouldn't be one of those poor women.  During my high school and college years, this underlying fear became more vivid. I had several cysts rupture on my ovaries which led to several trips to the ER. Although I remember the physical pain clearly, what I remember most was the fear of maybe having it be difficult to get pregnant when that time came in my life.


I met Steve a few years later.  We dated, fell in love, and got married.  We were married August 1st, 2008.  On September 25th, 2008 I wrote in my journal, "Steve and I have decided to start our family. We are so EXCITED.  I ache to be a mother and I hope I get pregnant this month....my biggest fear in life is not being able to have kids. That would be so hard for me. I would struggle with that but I would make it."  On July 7th, 2009 I wrote, "Steve and I are still trying to have children; we have been trying for 11 months.  We have had many doctor visits and they don't know what is wrong.  I have more tests scheduled.  I am a nervous wreck, but Steve and I are holding strong to each other and the gospel." On July 12th, 2009 I wrote, "I am really struggling with not being able to get pregnant.  There is not a Sunday that goes by that I don't shed a tear, or two, or hundreds out of sadness and aching for a child. I am a school teacher and a primary teacher, I LIVE FOR KIDS...yet I don't have any.  Steve held a baby during sacrament meeting today, he looked so good as a "dad".  He will make an awesome father and I know that he really wants to be a dad.  I am scared that at some moment Steve will be angry at me because we probably won't be able to have kids. I feel I am denying him the power of procreation.  I hope if he ever feels this way he will forgive me.  I am so scared...and I have a hard time sharing my true feelings with people.  I feel like I am holding my breath each month."  As I went from doctor to doctor and specialist to specialist the intensity of the roller coaster of infertility increased.


When I was diagnosed with infertility my world crashed around me for I felt  my womanhood  had been stripped from me.  I was broken. 

We are taught about the Grief Cycle and the steps that one will go through from start to finish.  We start with shock and denial, and then proceed to anger, followed by depression and detachment, which leads to dialogue and bargaining, and then we jump to acceptance where we can finally get back to a meaningful life.  Many say we have to follow this cycle in order, others say we may jump around and revisit several steps over and over again.  

When I realized that one of my trials in life was going to be infertility I was thrown into this grief cycle.  As for me, I don’t follow this cycle in order; there is no sequence of steps to this cycle.  In my feelings I see no patterns or reason.   I jump from step to step.  Sometimes I am in a step for a few days or weeks, and sometimes I am shoved from one feeling or step to another in a matter of seconds.  I feel at times I have feelings that I cannot control.  I can control my actions, but my feelings are fed with a fuel that I don’t always have power over.


I still struggle with these feelings, but I have found comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.  I still cry on Mother's Day, I still hold as many babies as I can, I don't attend baby showers, and when people announce they are pregnant I am thrilled for them but I still get a surge of pain in my heart.  I know God created me and He has a plan for me;  He does not make mistakes.  I am a survivor.  I have not let infertility overcome me.  I know I will be a mother someday.  I am so thankful for women who find themselves pregnant unexpectedly and choose to place their baby for adoption.  It takes a lot of courage.  It's women like that, who can make women like me whole.  
~

The BIG MOVE...and the projects begin

We are FINALLY moved in to our new house!!!! We have done tons of projects to make the house our home. We took down all the popcorn ceiling, got new carpet, painted, built raised garden beds, painted, primed and painted the deck, raked the HUGE backyard, painted some more, bought some furniture (the house was a little empty going from a two bedroom apartment to a 3 bedroom house), organized the garage...yeah we finally have a garage, tiled the entry way, and painted some more and then some more. We could not have done all of this without the help of family and friends. We feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family who aren't afraid to get their hands dirty. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!!

Here are a few pictures of the process.....








We plan on sharing a video of the "finished" project. We have learned as homeowners the projects are NEVER finished, only breaks are taken. I also wanted to thank Jon and Benja's family. They helped as well, but I didn't have any photos to prove it. THANK YOU!

Birthdays!!! Life is something to celebrate!!!

Steve and I are exactly one week and one year apart. His birthday is February 3rd and mine is February 10th. We love celebrating both our birthdays individually and together. Usually we celebrate our birthday together with our families and separately with just the two of us.

On our actual birthday day, we will make the birthday boy or girl breakfast in bed. This year I made Steve pecan cinnamon swirl pancakes and sausage. He ate 9 pancakes and 7 sausages (I think he really liked it!!!!!...he had a tummy ache later that day). I can't wait to see what Steve makes me on Friday. We love this tradition. It is a way to make us feel special on our day.


Along with making breakfast in bed we also make each other our favorite "birthday cakes". I am not a huge fan of cake, but I love zebra cake. Steve called my mom and got directions on how to make my special cake. I am so proud of him, he did such a great job.

I made Steve's favorite cake. It sounds very 'fruity and grilie' but he LOVES it! His favorite is Funfetti Cake (made with a cup of pudding to make it moist) and rainbow chip frosting. I know I know sounds fruity but he likes it.

Our First House

We are so excited about our new home. We are busy packing and imagining how we will decorate!!!! Here are a few pictures.

We move in the middle of March. YEAH!

It's been awhile

Wow, it's amazing how quickly life passes you by. So much has happened in the last few months, it's hard to believe it's only been a "short" while since we blogged. Here are a few highlights...

• We bought our first SUV ! A beautiful black 2012 KIA Sorento. It is a great SUV that is safe, and we have already started building memories with it. We love to travel and it is a perfect vehicle for that.
• Amanda-Kate is loving her job. She enjoys the challenge of working with teenage boys and learning how to teach academics, social skills, and behavior to children with Autism. This job is teaching her patience, firmness, flexibility, and how to see people through "God's Eyes".
  
• In November we both traveled to Alaska. It is a beautiful state with bald eagles, mountains, rivers, trees, snow, and MORE SNOW. Virginia (Steve's mom) went with us. It was so nice to have Amanda-Kate and Virginia have lots of one on one time. We had fun shopping, sight seeing, and eating. Virginia and Amanda-Kate got stuck in the snow only once. We were there for two weeks! Our hotel was right next to a gorgeous river. During the time we were there we were able to watch it start to freeze over. Alaska is the prettiest state in which we have traveled to.
  
• Thanksgiving was spent with both sides of the family, eating turkey, watching football, playing games, eating some more, and LAUGHING. No matter which side of the family we visit we always leave with sore abs from laughing so much. We LOVE our family so much and are glad we are close to most of them. We get together often just to spend time, and of course laugh.
• This December was a month which made us think about Christmas in a whole new light. In our journey of trying to add to our family with children, we became more aware of Christ as a baby and not just as an adult. We have been praying for a baby to enter our lives for many years now, but during this special time of year we both realized that we were 'given' a baby already. Heavenly Father gave his only begotten Son. He entered into the world as a baby and is a part of everyone's lives who lets him in. What an amazing gift the Savior is! Through him we are able to repent and have our sorrows healed. This was a beautiful Christmas in which we tried to stay focused on the Savior and the fullness that He brings, instead of the emptiness of not having a child of our own.
• January (awesome we are almost up to date). Steve moved to a different Target store (still in the Denver area) which is right next to the Temple. He is helping out in the store until one of the leaders in the building returns from training. Then he will be placed in a new permanent store in a new position. He is doing so well in his job and he loves his new boss and co-workers already. In this day in age we feel truly blessed to not only have GREAT jobs but also LOVE our jobs. It blows us away to see how blessed we are.
  
• We made an offer on a house and it was accepted! We are going through all the inspections and paperwork now, but it is exciting to think we will be moving into a home soon. We are tired of apartment living and are ready to start this new chapter in our lives. The house has a huge backyard and great views of both down town Denver and the mountains. We looked at many homes and this was the only one where when we walked in we could see our children running around and playing. In the backyard we pictured our kids playing hide-and-go-seek, swinging on the swings, and playing in the dirt.

Sorry that it has been so long since we blogged last. Now that we are back from Alaska, Christmas is over, and we are under contract with a house (yeah we are going to be home owners!!!) we will have more time to blog.

3 Year Anniversary!

Amanda Kate and I had our 3rd year anniversary on August 1st! We both spent the morning working since it was a Monday, but when we both got home the day got much more exciting. We decided before we go out for the evening we should open each others presents. I was so excited to give her the present. Just an FYI but the "traditional" 3 year present is leather so I got Amanda Kate 3 leather roses and a personal poem. Ahhhhh :) I had never heard of leather roses either but they actually looked pretty cool. They look just like a real rose and the best part is they never die like real roses. That is what I do not like about buying typical roses. They die one week later where as these leather roses will last forever. I got the vibe that AK really liked her present.

Shortly after she opened her present I opened mine and could not have been happier when I saw it was an authentic Terrell Davis old school jersey and a Super Bowl 32 John Elway jersey! She really knows what I like! I felt like she totally over did it but I was okay with that. In addition, we are going to the Denver Broncos season opening game on Sept 12 against the Raiders! We got seats that are about 11 rows up on the first level of the south stands. We are both way excited! It will be Amanda Kate's first Broncos game. Man, this almost makes me want to cry :)

After the amazing presents we gave each other we went out to a nice restaurant called "Vesting Dipping Grill" in Downtown Denver. This was our first time going there but we both really seemed to like it. Amanda Kate ordered Thai chiken and I had the most amazing Salmon I have ever tasted! At this restaurant they give you many dipping sauces which were delicious. After we went out and spent some time together we returned home and went right to bed because we were both exhausted from the big day.

I am so glad to be married to such a wonderful girl. She treats me very well and keeps me happy:) I hope that I do the same for her. Cheers to another great year of our eternal marriage!